Pristine, Fresh and Clean...Poo

My shit don't stink. 

Having a poo-phobia I can rationalize my way away from panicking too much about bag/flange changes by just saying to myself "That's not poo, Steven.  Take a chill pill!"
After all, is my Poo really the same as what comes out of "normal " people?

Think about it: my waste output did not sit in a colon for days like the waste of a "normal" person which ferments within a whole ecosystem of bacterium (aka rotting) for hours or days.  Instead, my waste comes out 4-12 hours after I eat.  Light foods, eg smoothies come out within 4 hours!  Moreover, my waste sometimes smells fruity.  When did a normal person ever poo something out that smells *good*?    Sometimes it's red, at other times it's green.  How many "normal" people can play with colours the way we can?

So there it is.  Next time an ostomate accidentally sprays waste output all over your bathroom walls and inside your medicine cabinet, just remember that it's not actually poo.  Rather, it's a potpourri or "synergistic mix" of recently enjoyed foods, a bit of water, bile acids and maybe a few bacterium.  But not poo!

p.s. If I was ever incarcerated in a maximum security prison I'd be in serious trouble as the dudes who would try to enjoy my love hole (aka my big brown eye) would probably enjoy it's spic and span cleanliness and lack of real poo (unlike those "normal" people with their stinky butts)  -- remind me not to commit any major crimes lest I become the most popular white boy on the block in there.