And when I think about all the little adjustments I have to make, I get a bit depressed. Eg, I can't put hot plates in my lap anymore while I snack/watch TV. I have to be careful about how I bend or about anything touching and ripping the bag. The fart noises the stoma makes will be a challenge when I am in boardroom meetings. I'll always have to have supplies ready and carry an emergency kit with me. In comparison to my old disease, it's really so much better that I can't even compare though I still manage to be daunted.
A fellow patient in the hospital who was going through much worse than me (his bowel cancer excision resulted in a nearly amputated leg) said the only thing he could do to manage the psychological weight of his condition was to "take one day at a time". He managed to stay upbeat and strong despite a myriad of complications. And he was only 23 years old.
I used to think that most problems need to be viewed in the larger context of life as in saying "in the long term this problem is really small". Now I see that chronic health issues require us to not think too much, to not overload the mind but to take one day at a time and block out the rest. Compartmentalization. And to just make each day count.
Too much looking ahead may actually be harmful.
Try listing the positive things about an ostomy.... My favorite: my bathroom is attached to me. I never have to worry about scoping out where the bathrooms are when I walk into a store. I don't have to run to the bathroom if something doesn't agree with me. If I eat something that I shouldn't have, there are no worries because my bathroom is attached to me!
ReplyDeleteAs time goes on, you'll worry less about the bag. For the first couple months, I was afraid to wear anything tight (like jeans) or to lie on my stomach at night. I'm happy to say that I finally got over those fears. After three months, I was finally okay to wear jeans. And I'm happy to say that I slept on my stomach for the first time in 6 months last night! :) (It's the little things that make me happy, lol.) I'm also happy to say that the ostomy does not consume my every thought. I don't even think about it half the time anymore.
My favourite thing about the ostomy is that I am still alive. And getting healthier every day.
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