Wheres the poo? If you look carefully its just blood that comes out. Can you handle 20 of those a day? I have for the last few years now.
So here's the "curse" part of UC. Below it is the "blessing" part. I love how there is a yin and a yang to everything.....
So, starting with the curse side:
In 10 months my life has centered around the following UC symptoms:
3 kidney stones
diabetes, blood sugar spikes to 24 (aka just around shock level)
knee, foot, elbow arthritis
dislocating toes and fingers
ear inflammation
GERD (acid reflux extreme)
emotional roller coasters
burning pain in tooshy ... continually
hemorrhoids
tenesmus
tachycardia (RP @ 120 BPM)
20X a day running to the toilet in pain
poopy pants!
sleeplessness
fear of going out in public
severe anemia
stomach pain & cramps
nausea
eye inflammation (uveitis)
febrile neutropenia (my bone marrow shut off production of immune cells.. fever of 39-41 degrees for 3.5 weeks)
cold teeth
bone density loss; careful not to shatter bones!
loss of Testosterone
hairy shoulders and back
hump-neck
slouching because I'm too weak to stand up straight for long
moon face
severe sharp pain during orgasm (prostate inflammation?)
severe weight loss (down 60 lbs from 175)
fever.. hot
hope was raped at least 1000 times, something seems to work for a day then fails
fear of losing job, clients continually (yet it didn't happen!)
wicked burning urethra for 45 minutes after peeing, like fire ants inside your bladder
Thats the hard part of UC that I won't miss!
Here is the blessing side of UC!
-I laugh now more than ever (WTF?! but its true, I swear!)
-letting go (hey when you can't even control your most basic functions why try to control everything else)
-pain without suffering, learning the difference the mind can make
-increased trust of Wife, a deeper relationship
-Niki-Nine-Doors on crutches
-Going for walks when you know you are going to have to poo in the bushes... and don't care anymore
-Dogs cuddling you when you are in pain
-The wonderful people I work with, how supportive they are
-being able to get out of social engagements like weddings, I always have a good excuse
-learning to not optimize things anymore, just accept more, set more realistic expectations
-romance when in dire pain is special
-a sense of my own mortality
-being coddled(I get to be treated like a loved child now, not like a Harlow's monkey as when I grew up)
Sometimes I am asked after witnessing the chronic pain of a loved one, do I become immune to their suffering.
ReplyDeleteCall it a curse or a blessing but my coping mechanisms have always been on the calm side. The more intense the trauma, the more of eerie calm I become. But, this does not mean that I become numb.
I still have moments of shock, fear and sadness but mostly I fear that if I let it all out I won't be able to carry on and take care of what needs to be done. What keeps me focused is the belief that one day there will be a second chance, and time to play outside again. I do think when that happens I will luxuriate in a good cry.
EGB