I found god, well sort of.

God. A great figure who oversees that my life's passage is part of the greater plan. That I am seen, loved and belong.

All I have to do is have "faith". I now see that there is an archetypal receptor for it, much like the ones evolved for aggression, sex, food, martyrism, etc. Too bad the other parallel software that runs in my mind (the scientist/evolutionist/skeptic) goes absolutely apes@*t when I tune in to the God receptor.

My skeptic says that the God archetype is a great survival mechanism, up there with denial. It makes us insignificant ants feel special and important and hopeful despite the odds. By the time the skeptic has repeated this rationalization worldview, the God archetype receptor is closed and the wonderful blissful feeling of feeling that "someone" great and all-loving is looking over you is gone.

Ah well, if only faith can be a switch you can physically toggle-- or a pill you can take. Something to shut the skeptic up for a few minutes. Even a skeptic-shut-up button. Or drug. It would be the most awesome drug. No wonder religious people are happier. If only I could pick and choose the truth I believe in!

Given that my life is so boring now I love to watch the conflict with all this: the fact that you can have two totally contrary archetypes evolved in us humans that clash with each other. And the frontal neocortex either goes haywire (like in my case) or you can mute its need for logical perfection and pick your faith level and just polarize (and you become a staid scientist with an unspiritual life or a religious zealout who picks and chooses which parts of reality are truth for them or somewhere in between which gets really funky)* . It's kinda cool to see all the havoc that lives in us! [I think I need a life.] Or to learn how to find the gray in all this.

*or you can be one of the lucky ones who had really good parents who you internalized as benevolent, relevant internal father and mother figures and this whole discussion is moot for you as you already matter and are special, yada yada yada.