Introducing the UC Diet
This zero step program will help the weight just melt away, day by day!
Have trouble with food cravings? No problem! You'll never look at food the same way again. Actually, you'll learn to hate food! Problem solved!
We are so confident in our program that for a limited time only and for no extra charge we'll throw in a free sample of our joint pain deluxe so you can have a valid reason to avoid doing housework and can get extra sympathy from your loved ones! No need to feel lazy while shirking your duties!
Why wait? Shed those extra pounds that keep you from enjoying a life of homely leisure, not working and many, many naps. Enjoy that new bathroom that you've been remodeling. Now is the time to act!
Note for advanced patients: Have you already hit your target weight? Then it's time to tickle that funny bone of yours! Call now for a DVD with interviews of doctors who disagree on why the UC plan works and how to stop it. You'll roll with laughter as you hear them contradict one another... while speaking with an air of authority and experience! Your belly will hurt as you laugh along with clever studies which have contradictory results!
FREE Added Bonus: Colon Removal is Über Good!
Say goodbye to colonoscopies, rectal prostate exams and hello to a bag filled with opportunities! The first 30 customers who call in will receive refractory steroid status and/or toxic megacolon. This free bonus guarantees you a further six pounds of weight loss!
Testimonials:
I love this weight loss method. I've been at it for 2 weeks now and it works like a charm! Plus I own shares in the local tissue paper company so I know I'm doing a good thing for my health and my finances. -Amy Atzmobily, Baltimore, MD
This is great stuff. It hurts a bit running to the toilet 30 times per day but I know its all going to be worth it. I'm already 4 days into the program! -Navin Davindra, 36 years old, Louisville, KY
I've had trouble losing weight and fitting into that bikini since I turned 74. Now with the UC diet I have hope to be young again! These have been the best 2 days of my life! -Agnes Molnar, 83, Denver CO
3 weeks of the UC diet and I've already lost 35 pounds! I hated my wardrobe before and this gives me an excuse to go out and buy that Posh Spice wear that seems to be all the rage nowadays! Maybe I too can finally land myself a David Beckham! -Alexander Silverfloss, 42, NY, NY
*Note this program is only available in Western Europe and North America. Asian and African customers please call our dysentery and diarrhea department for a program tailored to your needs. East European customers please do not call.
Wicked sense of humour. That is on thing i love about you. (There are others of course, but this stands out this moment.Hang on buddy! The days of the pain are numbered!
ReplyDeleteVery funny! And by the way, get better soon
ReplyDeleteAJ Jacobs
After reading your idea of loosing weight in a hurry, I decided I love fat people. Not that I mean to be contadictory, but your way doesn't sound at all apetizing, and I like a good meal. I'm looking forward having a decent meal with you in the near future.
ReplyDeleteAJ Jacobs, my favourite author! He has the coolest niche in writing, in my humble opinion.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ajjacobs.com/content/home.asp
Hehe, Kindredspirit here Steven, thx for note, love your blog. I had toxic megacolon and can attest to the weight loss (wish I'd kept it off). Good luck with your surgery! I'm heading down to Mt Sinai to see Dr McLeod and Julie & Monica on the 28th, hoping for some new info on my issues, but she'll probably just want to go back to the procedure I cancelled in September.
ReplyDelete