optimism

Today went by and was not very interesting. Just the usual fatigue, cramps, blood and pain. And a new bit of fear of contracting swine flu or whatever is going around. ("going around" is an understatement.. there is a strong virus in our midst right now). In my case, surgical complications /hernias could arise if I catch something around the time of major abdominal surgery. But it's out of my control so I'll do my best to not worry about it.

On a totally different note, I really hope that when all is said and done I can build my body back up again and have it be strong. Very strong. Fountain of youth strong. Abs included. Building up my strength and vitality stirs me at a primal level. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive. I want to feel like a man again. I want to be able to live strong and feel free. And have the prednisone and eye problems and arthritis and systemic inflammation be a memory of something I've conquered.. with just the battle scars (and photos) as reminders of the hell these last few years have been.