I think this is very cool: Discovering "God" as an atheist

So in my worst pain when I was hiccuping for days, every 3-4 seconds, and with each hiccup tearing at my incisions (4 of them I think), I was in such agony that I couldn't do anything but pray for help, whatever form it took. It was the ultimate pantheistic god I think. I didn't ask for god to have a form or agenda or name or anything. God could just be my cells (see white blood cell below targeting one of several bacteria to chase)

And not just the small world. God in this definition could include everything, including the cosmos. And everything in between that created all the wonderful and good that I have experienced.

So I prayed for help to the life force that creates temporary manifestations like my surgeon, my family, friends, the good people I've known... The life force that creates all that is still unknowable by science (eg where the laws of the universe come from and what precedes the big bang). Specifically I, the ultimate skeptical, observational atheist prayed just to have help from whatever the life force is, in any format it would take, and I would accept that help. And not need to understand it.

By praying my mind to this force my mind sort of closed off to the suffering and focused much more just on the words. The focus itself seems to have helped, so did just asking for help. And being open to it in whatever format it came in, even if it meant death. Freedom and peace sometimes come from asking to have no options at all nor any control.

And I did get better. Every day. And the pain still was horrible but there is something so wonderful about not feeling so alone anymore and letting life take care of you..because there are forces that do want good for you.. for you to survive and thrive. Otherwise how would you even be here in the first place?